WHEN THE NECK BECAME THE HEAD

WHEN THE NECK BECAME THE HEAD: is an emotional story shared by an anonymous listener of the show.
i do hope you find it as inspiring as i did. i would be sharing this story tomorrow on the show and implore you all tune in and be a part of the conversation.

READ!

my husband and i have been married for years now. shortly before marriage, the Lord blessed us and we were very comfortable; i had no care in the world and i worried for nothing. our life was blissful; my husband’s business thrived and he spared no expense in ensuring i and the kids and everyone who came o us for help was catered for.

suddenly a few years into the marriage, our resources began to dwindle; we went from cars to car then no car. my husband was badly affected as he was always used to been the provider. it soon dawned on me, i needed to support and thankfully in a short time, i picked up a well paying job and we were able to find our bearing. though it didn’t return us to the lap of luxury but it made us fairly comfortable.

my husband and i had always enjoyed a very good relationship, we were each other’s friends but when finances became tight, he became irritable and i guessed the weight of the pressure got to him, this was what propelled to get a job.
i got a job but then i changed.

i became domineering, controlling and totally lacked respect for my husband. this is a realisation that hit me just recently, and while i misbehaved, he never said a word, he just took it as the day came.

my husband loves food, and regardless of our finances, he would eat well and made sure we had good food to eat, money or not- this was his stance.
when i started earning for the family, i began to count the pieces of meat and chicken and reduced his once 2-3 piece of meat per meal to one. he would complain and i would silence him, that we are on a budget and make horrible remarks. i even locked the store, just so i monitor the food, after all, it was my hard earned money here and not his.
he eventually would eat may be once a day or would buy bread and akara or fried yam on his way home; garri drinking became his habit. did i notice? haa well, i couldn’t be bothered

i began to expect him to help with chores, like clear the dishes after you, wash your plate, no one is your slave’ these were few of the things i would say to him. he never retorted.
i treated him so bad (unknowingly) that even the maid who joined us while i was the provider didn’t know he was the head of the home.
i would take decisions without running them by him and gradually i assumed the role of the husband and my husband sunk deeper and deeper into his shadows. so as usual, when he began having high blood pressure, i didn’t know.

i’d like to say, i never cheated on him and even though i was consumed with work and never gave him sex, i lost sight of the fact that once sexually active husband couldn’t even be bothered to ask me.
we had less and less to say to each other, we became strangers in our home yet i blamed him, saying he was threatened by my success.

he did try on a couple of occasions to speak to me about it, i never saw anything wrong in my actions, i felt he was the one who changed not me.
then i went for a seminar and heard a sermon about how sometimes God refuses to lift our heads as working wives because he already knows that just by been more successful than our husbands, our regards for him as the head thins out and we assume the role. the speaker went on to list out a couple of behaviour and i was guilty as charged. i realised my error.

i wept all the way home, hoping to make peace but when i got home i waited and waited for my husband to return.
i waited till the wee hours of the morning, my husband didn’t return.
oh lord, i thought; something must have happened to him. he didn’t come home for a week, by this time, i had lost my sanity running helter-skelter. eventually i ran to his family house and there i met him, a complete shadow of himself. he had made a choice to walk away because i made his already miserable life miserable.

today, my husband and i worked our differences, he’s doing better, our marriage is better and our finances are better. i still work but i now know better. there are time, i try to over compensate, but he would tell me not to bother. if you serve my husband with 2 pieces of meat, he would only eat 1 ad joke about been used to it. it makes my heart bleed. but am just happy i am still married to man who loves me regardless.

there are so many women who have found themselves to be the provider of the home; it doesn’t make you the head. the job of the neck is even more important than that of the head.

this is my greatest life’s lesson.