ONE FINE DAY pt 10

Sincere apologies for the delay; i have been very busy, children wahala and work. from next week all shall conform,

That was how ooo, me and  Josh launch into this whirlwind-like romance oo.  it happened so fast, e be like film. In my mind, i was like: ol' girl you don nail am. Soon spending a day no do, i began sleeping over(too soon abi, me sef i no, but i couldn't careless) and before i could say Jonaaa, i had spent 2 weeks cohabiting with Josh. Everything moved with bazuka speed; i was so happy, i don begin dey feel like super mario: ibi nima kusi (na hia i go die), and of course been with him, came with all the perks: a car, a driver, chef, major laulau things.

 Josh, nerdish was a workaholic, he worked so hard and so much, it helped me study for MA (one plus from the relationship) and when he got off work, we indulged in all sorts( just imagine). The sex was good, it wasn't great but e pass management and with a little tutoring as time went, it will come up to par. i was almost believing this soft spoken man was just perfect until this peculiar morning when i overheard his conversation with his security guard. Baba Aro was in his early 70's, and walked with a limp. he was quite a drinker, but he was was respectful and feared Josh a great deal. i just think am say na respect, but when i witness Josh slam his basketball straight at Baba Aros's head and accompanying the slam were heavy-heavy epes(curses). wow i began to have a rethink. Josh came upstairs noticing i overheard him, gave me a grand story of Baba's offence, he began to kiss me and i soon discarded the matter, little did i know my own sef dey come. 

So Josh had a temper and whenever he flew off the handle: handle go los, pot go trowey,  shebi if na only  temper, e go for beta, the guy com and have skun-skun and i will tell you one particular episode...

na so we lie down for bed one night,. we were gifting, na so for the middle of  gist, he suddenly sat up and said to me: "shhh, someone just entered" 

i sat up in fright: who? abi na thief? my mind was racing. this frail looking Josh cannot protect me ke, haa i don mis waka ooo. he told not to panic that the person was climbing up the stairs, the per on is on the stairs and i should not worry??? are you freaking kidding?  then the freaky part- he says the person who is coming up the stairs is  carrying an envelope. i was like post man at 1am?  i tried to strain my ear, i couldn't hear jack. i mean how did he know someone came into the house, when the door no open, is climbing up the stair and is carrying an envelope? no be bed me and am dey? i looked at him, shivering in fright.

he smiled like "Don Chachu" and pulled into an embrace : the person is wearing red and black and had just dropped the letter in front of the bedroom. "yeee" my side of the bed was right beside the door, instanta, i jump go the other side. he now told make i no worry, that a lot of people are trying to drag him into some dodgy business and he has refused, so they threaten all the time, with all sort, that he has special powers adding that as our relationship progresses, he would tell me more, in short he is not an ordinary person. i stared at him in shock cum disbelief, reading psalm 23 a million times in my mind. special power? people want to kill him? he can see what other can't??? 

kai JAZZ you don mis waka patapata.  yes my name is Jasmine, everyone call me Jazz, clearly my nickname had drawn me to a jazzman.

i held vigil that night, starring at the door: "oh lord, pls see me through this night, once morning come, am outa here. i swear." i prayed over and  over, while Josh slept like  baby.

eventually, morning came, did i pack my things and leave. of course not, i stayed on because when morning came, everything changed, i forgot all about it. ashey i was saving my self for my own ...

ONE FINE DAY pt 9

i am walking down the very dusty and jagajaga road to my house , still in disbelief at this Vasecto-nonsense wey X jus tell me so. Question is: what is the purpose of asking me to consider moving to the next level? as in koyemi. i may not be in love with the man, but i do nurse deep feelings for him abi why else am i so pissed at the nigger? so he just wants to keep me around for nothing, to continue to service his engine when money is not even filling my pocket. i'm no gold digger, but i don't plan to suffer( suffer no dey work, e no dey pay, ask  anti Lara for the details on the matter). i was lost in this deep thought and clearly it was ruining my day, as i just displayed madness for an okada man who  took a swipe at me. even shame catch me after the drama, as people just gather dey look as i curse the man generation.  clearly this X issue was messing me up and i had to get myself out of the rot. so i scroll my phone; who can i just call. should i call SG? no way, i wasn't in the mood for any guy yammering love talk in my ears. who else can i call ooo, or maybe Adede- the man is filthy and rude jo, with this mood of mine, if Adede says something offensive, slap may meet face, so make i avoid fight. who do i call? surely no girls, no energy for gossip. Na so i dey scroll phone book and there it was. i choose to call Josh my latest toaster. we have been trying hook but for different reasons, no chance. he picked at the first ring, i think to myself say, yes ooo, he been waiting me to call. we sha chatted about orisirisi jargons and then he says, what are you doing now? not much-as a jobless student cum wanna be actress. 

"come over",

" hmmm tempting" i say. 

 "i'm a gentleman" he says. make i go jare.

sharply, i rush go house, change my cloth and flew okada halfway, cabbed the rest( packaging is key). i arrived at the pretty decent house, too big for a bachelor or did i assume he was. he didn't look as young and yes i was right, he had been married once and there was a child. for my mind i think: why me? why can't i just meet a young guy, no attachments. i am just about to walk out of a relationship with a man almost  as old my papa with a family and now this once upon a marriage guy. Oh lawd why( na so i dey cry for my mind) but something did strike a cord in me about this soft-spoken geekish man, who had a charm about him and ohhh he was actually intelligent and for the first time, i was mildly intimidated, and intrigued. 

We spent the entire day together; talking and talking by the time he got me back home late in the night, I had broken up with X in my mind and onto the next one with  Josh. 

Should I have thought more about that move? YES! Should have I applied brakes? yes!  Should I have walked from this new adventure? Oh yes. I for don run; comot shoe, trowe bag and run for safety; instead I ran into Josh, I ran in headlong, I ignored whatever warning bells and yes it almost cost me sanity, my life, my future. Indeed meeting Josh, changed my life completely and na here the story just begin...

still there is the pending matter of X, who i never actually broke up with. in my mind, i didn't think he deserved it after all, he no tell before e go lie down for slab, say make them comot his able scorers. 

But lowo yi, na to be continued we dey.

ONE FINE DAY pt8

After i don vex say X no gree call me i mean three weeks! Does this guy even know that i am a hot and viable commodity that men are in need of? he come and leave me , no call, no text, no mail. Na so i drag the matter like say e pass the level. but really e pass, after all this man just said to me that we should consider moving our relationship to the next level, even though i no sabi the level, but it must mean something and i f i am to be exclusive with a man who is old enough to be daddy, then i expect more. So i voke, i rake  but as usual after all my display, the man went on one knee.. ehn one knee?? omg, is he proposing? kia, i am not ready now. I didn't even rehearse my reaction, shud i smile, should i scream.  The guy open mouth tell me say "sorry, forgive me",just lackadat . it was feeling of relief and disappointment mix together, wet flood m body.  wait oh, was i really considering marrying this man, would have i said yes? i no fit answer myself. sha the man beg me; told me all bout the training, his visit to his family and of course he had a quick call at the hospital but quickly assures me,  its nothing.  then my phone rings, its Josh. Been a couple of days, after traffic no gree me make am to our dinner date. bloody traffic, it was almost as if God was whispering me to me. Thinking about it now, the Big Man upstairs was preventing me from the eventual drama wey Josh con take my eye see but tori neva reach that side.. i sat in the cab for hours, he even sent his driver to meet me half way but we missed our sef, eventually i had to make the hard decision of returning home., no Chinese dinner, no second meeting with Josh. i

I soon forgot about him since X's return but today, the man Josh called me but i couldn't take the call, not wit X starring at me so intensely. X stood with a bit of difficulty again: is your leg hurting you? i asked " something wrong?" he smiles and instead of replying asked if i have given a thought to our discussion.

oh i have been thinking about it, so much. " but what exactly do you mean by taking it further?"

"definitely not marriage." he said with irritating calmness.

"oh, pray tell what you mean". my voice dripped with sarcasm and he sensed it.

"babe, it would be unfair for me to ask you to marry me. trust me i want you for keeps. i mean i can say i love you very much...

"but" i interjected.

"but i can't marry you." 

he said in  the annoying matter-of-fact voice, by this time, i was struggling to remain composed. he can't marry me. so i am unmarriable abi kini? 

so i asked: " because of…"

he looked at me with a sad-like smile:

" because i don't want to have kids anymore and i just had a vasectomy done to..."

vasecto wetin? are you kidding me? is that why your walking with difficulty? is your… your something gone?

it sounded stupid, but i just had to ask. i mean what does this mean?

X may be older than me, but love making was the ISH (and am not saying more).

 " are you freaking serious" i yelled.

" the lil man is still intact, i just can't shoot to score" he said with a smile.  Egbami ke, make una look Lionel Messi, shoot to score ko.  i stood starring at him for so long, unsure what to say, so i said: "Wow, a vasectomy".

i collected my bag and the stuff he got me ( i no go bicos of vex, fashi the gucci sunglasses or the coach clutch, or the dresses) and i walked out, kept walking not looking back, even as he yelled my name. i flagged a cab:" lungbu". cabman: "N3000". i no argue, i enter . A vasectomy? wow. he sure has made thing very simple. this is clearly the end of the relationship but it was the beginning of another problem as i would soon find out.

My journey began 17 years ago. i was 18 full of life and an unhealthy bundle of youthful exuberance. i had dreams to be successful though with no clear cut route. mother was as tough as nail and on this day, i vex the woman die. she sent me to detention at the police station to learn a thing or two about life behind bars. you see the woman na soja. na play i been think, until the gates of the gallow slammed me into darkness.
mother had instructed i stay there for a week till i learnt my lesson and that was how i came to meet him. The man who changed the course of my journey forever. 
Two days in jail, the policemen took pity on me and brought me to stay behind the counter; a better option that mosquito infested- smelly tomb called jail. i met Lanre; fresh, robust, light skinned, clearly more than a decade older than me. he had been brought in on some offence, but from the special way he was treated; i knew he a correct person or so i thought.
we became friends and remain friend till we were both released. we exchanged contact and na so we begin romance
Lanre was not only well to do, but he was a giver and he spoilt me silly, so when i discovered i was pregnant; what mama soja go do me was the least of my concern. 
As expected mama soja kicked me out without delay and i moved in with Lanre, a divorcee (so he told me).
baby shopping began in earnest, i was feeling like the madam of the house, until the real madam came back. you see Lanre was very much married and when news reach America of a young girl taking over the ruling of the Olanrewaju empire, the real madam dashed down. she saw me and descended on me, raining blows and slaps, totally disregarding my very pregnant state. lanre was not in town to save me.
she threw me and my things out. 
i had nowhere to go; i returned to mama soja; after having a good laugh , she slammed the door and told me never to come back. i tried to reach lanre to no avail. i roamed the streets; sleeping in uncompleted building and finally a church.; there i was till my baby came- a beautiful boy. 
Because labour was prolonged and a near death experience for me, mama soja came to my rescue after much pleading by the pastor. she foot the bill, even the naming ceremony. and so i moved back in; life was peaceful even though mama soja made sure to taunt ad torment me with my foolery, i was just glad the days of sleeping on the street was behind me.
then Lanre showed up bearing gifts, i went against mama soja's rules and let him into the house, well you can guess the rest; she walked in us. she gave him a piece of her mind and sent him out. the next morning, i awoke to my bags neatly stacked at the door, mama soja had decided enough was enough. na so i go. i went to lanre but he turned a blind eye. na so i begin waka from place to place; living here and there with my son, doing various menial jobs to raise myself and my son.
when i went to live relatives, mama soja came there to throw tantrums and i ended up back on the street. my mother-mama soja was greatly feared by all our relatives; no one could help me. then i turned to friends. in a particular case, my son was living with a friend's relative and i was living at another friend's. my life was a mess. Lanre has relocated to America, mama soja had turned deaf ears to the many pleas and begging. 
many nights i would cry and cry… but every time i looked my ECO( my son's nickname) it would boost me to forge ahead. 
i won't stand here to say, i didn't do somethings i am not proud of in an effort to raise my child or give him good education because that would be a lie. let me not bore you with my stories.
today he turns 16 in few months, i have managed to bag myself a degree while raising him and myself; my son is getting ready of UNI. mama Soja and i made peace after 10 years, now i am her favourite child- she says i inspire her.
i have had my fair share of mistakes, regrets and heart breaks especially in relationships; no man wanted a baggage, now men are scared when they see my son- haa he is so grown", they say.
i am lonely emotionally but i will not give up ECO for no man. ECo worries for me; don't you want to marry mummy". do i tell him, some of men are shying away from me because of you? lailai!
i look at ECO and i know that one is perfect about my life: THIS BOY i call my SON- well behaved, intelligent, witty and an awesome artist- he loves to draw and very good at it. not for a second had he given me cause to worry. 
today, i look back at the journey, i still have many more years ahead, still I wonder… how did i do it? 
I am most certain God had a hand in it, majorly.


CULLED

WHEN THE NECK BECAME THE HEAD

WHEN THE NECK BECAME THE HEAD: is an emotional story shared by an anonymous listener of the show.
i do hope you find it as inspiring as i did. i would be sharing this story tomorrow on the show and implore you all tune in and be a part of the conversation.

READ!

my husband and i have been married for years now. shortly before marriage, the Lord blessed us and we were very comfortable; i had no care in the world and i worried for nothing. our life was blissful; my husband’s business thrived and he spared no expense in ensuring i and the kids and everyone who came o us for help was catered for.

suddenly a few years into the marriage, our resources began to dwindle; we went from cars to car then no car. my husband was badly affected as he was always used to been the provider. it soon dawned on me, i needed to support and thankfully in a short time, i picked up a well paying job and we were able to find our bearing. though it didn’t return us to the lap of luxury but it made us fairly comfortable.

my husband and i had always enjoyed a very good relationship, we were each other’s friends but when finances became tight, he became irritable and i guessed the weight of the pressure got to him, this was what propelled to get a job.
i got a job but then i changed.

i became domineering, controlling and totally lacked respect for my husband. this is a realisation that hit me just recently, and while i misbehaved, he never said a word, he just took it as the day came.

my husband loves food, and regardless of our finances, he would eat well and made sure we had good food to eat, money or not- this was his stance.
when i started earning for the family, i began to count the pieces of meat and chicken and reduced his once 2-3 piece of meat per meal to one. he would complain and i would silence him, that we are on a budget and make horrible remarks. i even locked the store, just so i monitor the food, after all, it was my hard earned money here and not his.
he eventually would eat may be once a day or would buy bread and akara or fried yam on his way home; garri drinking became his habit. did i notice? haa well, i couldn’t be bothered

i began to expect him to help with chores, like clear the dishes after you, wash your plate, no one is your slave’ these were few of the things i would say to him. he never retorted.
i treated him so bad (unknowingly) that even the maid who joined us while i was the provider didn’t know he was the head of the home.
i would take decisions without running them by him and gradually i assumed the role of the husband and my husband sunk deeper and deeper into his shadows. so as usual, when he began having high blood pressure, i didn’t know.

i’d like to say, i never cheated on him and even though i was consumed with work and never gave him sex, i lost sight of the fact that once sexually active husband couldn’t even be bothered to ask me.
we had less and less to say to each other, we became strangers in our home yet i blamed him, saying he was threatened by my success.

he did try on a couple of occasions to speak to me about it, i never saw anything wrong in my actions, i felt he was the one who changed not me.
then i went for a seminar and heard a sermon about how sometimes God refuses to lift our heads as working wives because he already knows that just by been more successful than our husbands, our regards for him as the head thins out and we assume the role. the speaker went on to list out a couple of behaviour and i was guilty as charged. i realised my error.

i wept all the way home, hoping to make peace but when i got home i waited and waited for my husband to return.
i waited till the wee hours of the morning, my husband didn’t return.
oh lord, i thought; something must have happened to him. he didn’t come home for a week, by this time, i had lost my sanity running helter-skelter. eventually i ran to his family house and there i met him, a complete shadow of himself. he had made a choice to walk away because i made his already miserable life miserable.

today, my husband and i worked our differences, he’s doing better, our marriage is better and our finances are better. i still work but i now know better. there are time, i try to over compensate, but he would tell me not to bother. if you serve my husband with 2 pieces of meat, he would only eat 1 ad joke about been used to it. it makes my heart bleed. but am just happy i am still married to man who loves me regardless.

there are so many women who have found themselves to be the provider of the home; it doesn’t make you the head. the job of the neck is even more important than that of the head.

this is my greatest life’s lesson.

ONE FINE DAY pt7

X and i had carried on for some 6 months. he wasn't as generous as Fish and not an A-hole like Ba'Kabby. He was a gentleman, respected me, regardless of the many years apart in age. he showered me attention and if there is one thing that can guarantee a man's place in my heart, is attention. i just need to know i am at the centre of your universe. and that X did. he wanted to spend everyday with me, every spare time and yes , did we have a blast. we played like teenagers, giggled liked kids and o' boy we can gossi for Africa; i was at home here i told myself. 

so when X had told me, as i sat on his laps in his office, surfing the internet; that he wanted to take the relationship to the net level , i was elated, still caution bell sound for my brain, make i no too jump. if i become X's , it meant we were gonna be exclusive. this is not to say i was cutting shows oo, lailai. i believe in one man-one woman. but was i ready to be with this man, who was 23 years older than i was. he wasn't just any man, X is quite notable, he held some significant position in work and society, people were gonna talk. what will my father say? the man as it stands, has already given up me. this will just be the final topping on the cake.

And there is the matter of his family, his first son was just 3 years younger than i was; there is the Mrs. X, even though they've  been divorced for nearly a decade, still calls the shot. she is a partner  at his firm. They have joint ventures and the woman already looks at me funny and now, he wants us to move our relationship forward. hmmm

 what will i do now? only one person can give me the truth, no matter how painful and that person is Big sis.

Big sis(my elder sister) lives across town with her family- her twin boys and philandering husband- oniranu. Why she stays married to the goon, beats me. Imagine the suegbe even tried to make a pass at me, kiakia i put am for im place, no time for radarada; but she married him and that is her choice. she and i never see eye-to-eye on any matter and its been about 2 years we last spoke. However,this is a major decision here: X is rich, he would take care of me, i would enjoy few luxuries- business class seats, a few top notch designer gbogbo-es, good school for my kids and vacation maybe once or twice a year. if i wanted to enjoy some better luxuries like boat cruses, and deep splurge, then i would have to earn a living, which really isn't a problem. X would get me a well paying job or set me up on business. Nah- i not want him to set me up, he would want to be on the board and have a say so ( he can be controlling), fat salary job is better; i would work my ass off and give myself a fabulous treat without having to stand in front of him, asking for money like a beggar.  A better life seem guaranteed if I'm married to X. 

Still i had my doubts.

 i called Big sis back to back, a total of 12 times before she finally picked my call. her reason-  she wanted to be sure, it was important. she went on with her sermon on morality, demeaning my way of life, which at the moment is far better than her own. After she made her self and life feel much superior to my very meaningless existence, i told her i had found a man and i think i am ready. it was then she asked that i come over.

Though i got to her house via public bus and Okada, i was clad in a very well fitting Armani jeans (courtesy Fish),  yellow Ralph Lauren shirt(courtesy Ba'Kabby), my blue DKNY hand bag( courtesy X), my very famous red alligator skin peep toes (courtesy Balogun market)  and i was smelling like a million dollar(courtesy Mai). the boys were happy to see me, one look at me, she hissed:

" how are you even able to afford all these designers?"

 i smiled: 

" i can tell you one thing; no home was broken in the process."

she looked at me with utter disdain and in her stern no nonsense voice she asked for details on X., of course i tell am every, as e take be.

she was silent for a long time( my sister can be that dramatic, i don't like her, but i trust her judgement.)  after wetin be like forever, she open mouth tell me: " i don't think you should marry him."

haaa, just like that? just like that,she replied.

     "no one would believe you are not marrying this guy for money.   what? you are in love? maybe you think so now. give it a few years, when his dick is limp and he would need a viagra to get it up, by which time you would be in your prime, in need of a very profound shag (shag? my sis just said "shag… oga)  you are only 25. 

     Whats the hurry?  you want to spend the better part of your life nursing an old man, when you should be done raising kids and rediscovering yourself, living your life to the fullest just in case you missed out on it whilst raising kids. (wow, i can't believe my sis was saying this, i did mention she was painfully honest, but not this blunt i guess). 

     Look, i don't think you should, but that's my opinion. you need to make your own choice. after all , what do i know, i married a man, who can't keep his willy in his pants while i am starved of sex- ironic abi. I am no fool honey but when the time comes, all of una go shudder"( lobatan,sis yarn pidgin)".

we talked about many things after that and i took my leave. i was lost in thought on the Okada ride back home. what do i do. i mean, the man has not proposed yet. He just said next level. Maybe next level is not marriage. Maybe i am just over thinking things. 

all these thoughts floated around my head, as i mounted the steps to X's office. He was right at the door, to welcome me. I noticed as he walked with a bit of difficulty as he went back to his seat. we chatted about orisirisi, but i just had to ask about this his constancy wincing in pain, that was when he told me the shocker of lifeeeeeeeee...

ONE FINE DAY pt 5

Wow X is back... after almost 3weeks away. No calls, nothing; and he expects that i just jump and enter road just because he is back in town, lailai. And na so i tell am. he of course apologies profusely. like seriously, i am tired of all these apologies. i'm not having it jo. i aha told him i had plans and would see him another time. Don't get me wrong, i really do like X, of all my rainbows, he is the only standup guy, ok man cos X is not in my age range/group but he really treats me well. As at 3 weeks ago, i had considered a serious relationship with him, inspire of the age difference. after all , all most of the gus in my age range were punk asses, at leaf the ones i had been coming across lately.  But as X had gone radio silent for those 3 weeks, even though i knew he was visiting his family( according to him, he's separated from his wife for about 8years); i am having a rethink.  Ehen but you know, i really can't talk about Josh without telling you how i met X..  i met X at Fish's party. who be Fish? make i gist you.

so i had met Mai through a mutual friend, he had just gone  through a nasty divorce and was too thankful to have come out of that marriage with his life intact.(not gonna bother you with all the gossip) for Mai; he was a bit skeptical about a relationship even though he liked me at first sight, and i no blame am. But from me to him, it unatrraction at first sight, but bicos we don dey talk for phone for like some months, i just didn't think it fair to bin the communication we had built. but sha, i knew that this was not the guy for me. so it Mai, who invited me to the event where i met Fish, through whom i now met X.

Mai invited me to this poker game, according to him, he was the chairman poker after party. i had never seen poker been played, not even witnessed gambling firsthand, and if this was gathering of rich men who just wanted to gamble their earnings away, i better be there to watch. so i went. it was at this poker thingy, i met Fish.

all the men, at this game of a thing, were all nerdish looking but smell like EGO/KUDI/OWO/MONEY. everyone here was a millionaire, so i began to have another look at this very unassuming Mai ( the guy fit get money set, and you know as money be, it can ginger this attraction i find missing) so peradventure, this guy may be very loaded (yes, i like money. i cannot come and suffer).

as i land the place, of course all eyes wee on me, not cos na me beautiful reach like that, but i was the only female in the place. Mai took his time to walk me and sit me in a corner, just so all the men know to lay off  but not Fish.  he came to sit two chairs away from me, nodding me his greeting. i smiled back politely and continued starring at the men gambling chunks of money. i was lost in the view when Fish handed me a magazine: " something to read? i accepted and flipped through. he also busied himself with a newspaper.  i was flipping through when i heard Fish whisper:

 " hey beautiful, can i get your number?

 i look around me, who talk? i looked at Fish, he focus for the paper.  then the voice came again:

 " don't look at me, just listen" 

 kai na Fish dey talk ooo. see 007 oo, i talk for my mind. i was intrigued.  

He continues: "i don't want your boyfriend to see me talking to you, so pretend your reading your magazine"

 wow, this is some James Bond chepsing, 

 " i like to see you alone, gimme your number" he said

 i  declined. 

" okay lemme give you my number" he dictates it, 

me sef, i played coy as i stylishly got the number. Then he says to dial him, as he wasn't sure of the number. me sef dial am.

 he smiles:" now i have your number. i will call you cos you will never call me". with that he stood and left. i was too stunned and impressed at this man in his forties playing such a number.  Fish did call call and kept calling and calling me, asking to hook up:  clearly he wasn't having No for an answer. i no no weds na fear, i  just no gree and he didn't stop. See eh, i no refuse  bicos say Mai go talk o, because by this time, Mai and i had already gone our separate ways. we realised early enough, what we had was phone chemistry and not physical chemistry.  so that chapter, just like Ba'kabby case closed.

Back to Fish; after the man gimme break for sometime, naim, one day, he call and say,  its important that we see as he going outta town. important ke, kilode. As usual my response was no, but CuzT(my paddy with whom i shared a flat) had just about had enough of me refusing, so she offered to drive me, under the pretext, she just had to see the man named Fish( what kind of name be Fish sef) and possibly take him off my hand. gladly take him, i said.  Na so we go. as we land the very posh flat, i saw his luggage by he door, truly he was travelling. he handed me a small bag and envelope and thanked me for coming. we chatted for a few minutes and that was it. he asked that if i wanted anything, CuzT quickly rattled out a list of items. na so we comot. na inside motor i see say na 50k dey the envelope and the bag contained bottles of  fragrance, perfumed oil and a wristwatch. i smiled.. indeed i don catch big Fish.  still i no too trust the man given the method with which he came after me.  i soon found i wasn't far from the truth…

one fine day pt 6

True to Fish's word, he came back a week later. he did buy all CuzT listed and again she drove me to him.  it wasn't my happiest day for me, as i had just flunked a test. This PGD program no easy at all but the hardest part is footing the bill, of which i needed to pay the last instalment, else no exam. after graduating and waiting 10months no job, i say make i go do Post Grad, maybe that will give me more advantage in the job market.  however with all the  house rent, feeding, and school bills to settle; to concentrate read sef, na long tin.  Fish had noticed i wasn't in the best of moods when we arrived. he queried me and CuzT quickly came to the rescue, narrating my predicament.  Fish went in and bam, just like that, handed me the balance of my fees plus a very healthy something on top. Whaat!!!! i love you God and i do believe in miracles; still i wasn't gonna give up the goods just because he gave me money.  Ada, my friend from school had once spoken these wise of words of wisdom:"never give up the goods just cos of the money. if he likes the sex, the pay is steady, if he doesn't, that is the end of the cash flow. so if you know say your spacing skill is below average, keep your legs close, play hard to get. the more he chases, the more he gives". So far, it had worked for me. i was ready to quietly milk Fish for my needs and casually flirt for as long as i can. Besides, i think the only reason he is this nice is because he wants to get into my pants.  As CuzT and i drove home, she wondered why i was so casual about the money Fish gave me, especially, knowing how much of a lifeline it was. So i shared with her, another one of Ada's famous tips: "never be overjoyed when a man, especially a rich one gives you money, wey big pass you; simply because, if he can't afford it, he won't give you. so don't feel special with yourself". hmmm, CuzT nodded her head in agreement. Sharperly i gave CuzT 3months rent in backlog and advance her 2months rents, whilst adding to the generous thanks-for-coming Fish already gave her. i was able to string Fish for a while, until one day when e hook my throat. hmmm dis life eh… make i nack you the gist.

 As a jobless pelzon and an aspiring actress, na so i go one audition. na for there i jam an old school mate. we were not really friends, but we knew each other. how can you even miss Boogie, with her very amazing backside, that will stop you dead in your tracks. truly, the girl's hips no dey lie. i jam am for dia and we got talking. the audition ran into late evening and she couldn't go back to home so i offered to take her home with me. the next day, i had to see Fish and CuztT my usual escort no dey, so i asked her to tag along. good thing i did or…

Fish had smiled hungrily as his eyes swept all over  Boogie's behind. i introduced them and busied myself in the kitchen hoping find something to eat. i swear i was only in there for 10minutes microwaving lasagna, when i came out to find Fish tweaking Boogie's nipple, as his hand were under her shirt and hers in his pant. Mo Gbe!!! wetin be dis?  i went back into the kitchen quietly and returned a few minutes to make a noisy entrance, i still caught them struggling to disentangle from each other.  Fish called me into his study, and he told me quiet frankly that since i wasn't playing ball, he might as well, get a piece of whatever he can get. shocking!!!! well, no wahala. i smiled saying nothing.  he gave triple the amount i wanted and in return, i left Boogie in his house as i boarded a cab back home, was i offended? i was angry but then what did i expect from Fish but then Boogie. i didn't know her so well, but e pain me sha o. 

i called Ada for advice on how to handle this matter and in two words she said: "play cool".  That i did after all i still needed Fish's money to pay for my online Masters program which  was due to begin in a few months. Because you see, knowing how generous the man is; i don already calculate say i fit do the masters degree wey be say  i don discuss with am already and  he don agree to help with money. If I con dey form vexation na, who go lose? Na me na! So, i swallowed my anger and played nice. On his part, Fish still called me, still sent money and gifts or anything else i asked for and in return , anytime i went visiting, i always went in the company of a girl( Ada always sent me an escort). so i made Fish happy and he sorted me. That was our relationship, going forward. (i be pimp... ehn call me what you like) it was at one the parties Fish threw which i hosted that i met X. 

CuzT and i were in charge of catering and Fish in charge of drinks. i guess X noticed this babe, who was sweating profusely from cooking and serving. when i eventually sat, he sat with me and his first words knocked the wind out of me: "so you are Fish's girl?"  Excuse you? Fish's who? i gave him a dirty look and walked away. that was the end of the conversation. i avoided him the rest of the party..

 A couple of days later, i was at my friend's studio when i got a call. it was X. He apologised, told me Fish gave him my number. Why must some men be stupid before sensible? i wonder. anyways we got talking. he asked where i was, i told him. we were still talking on the phone when he said which of the houses. whaaat? "you are here?!" i ran downstairs his car was down the street. We talked till way past midnight in his car. i looked at this very dashing man(BTW, i love good looking men), who was quite some years in age ahead of me and i found myself been drawn to him. To cut the long story short, it was only a few weeks later, i realised X and i were in a relationship and it was beautiful. unlike Fish , X wasn't generous with his money, at all, at all. In fact, he only gave half of what ever it is you need and not every time sef.  no cash or gift, but his time, his love, his attention… i had it all. that one he gave, without battling an eyelid. if he dey middle of meeting and i call am, he is there for me. it was fresh, it was what i needed, someone to actually care. Though the money wasn't greasing the palm as frequently, i was good with what i had. We had gone on for about 6months, not defining what we have, 3 weeks earlier, when he asked that i think about moving forward in our relationship. wow if he did ask me to marry him, i will without bathing an eyelid. i liked him that much.  But there were a couple of issues which weighed heavily on mind…
 But na tomorrow gist be that, right now; i've got mummy duties..

I

ts our 110th show tomorrow!
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And tomorrow, not even elections can't stop the movement of the whispering train.

Join the conversation tomorrow as we explore this new trend of shopping for domestic staff online.You already know the case in discuss.

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Choo! Choo!! All aboard the Whispering train.

MY INDELIBLE SCAR

I remember it like yesterday, even though it happened when i saw just about 6 going on 7.

My mum, God bless her soul had the habit of checking my panties whenever it was bath time, especially at night.

God help me, if i had stains on it, i would have to explain where my bum-bum had been; so i was very weary and careful as a child in ensuring my panties were particularly clean.

But on this day, my panties had stains. It was quite worrisome as I took mental notes of where i had been. Did i pee in someplace? Biodun i was just 6 and i was gravely worried what mommy would say.

 I couldn't explain myself out of it , so i decided to play smart: keep the panties in the laundry bag before she saw me, but she caught me.

"bring your pant" she said.

I was shaking like a leaf when I handed it over to her. Her eyes flew open when she saw the stains,she sniffed it and said:

"explain"

I was silent, starring at her helplessly until  2 resounding slaps  from her  jolted me out of my temporary dumbness;  i couldn't explain the stains myself.

"is your bum bum paining you?" she asked. I shook my head.

 She put a dress on me and off we went to see a doctor friend. I can never forget that man; he was her friend's husband and instead of acting professional, he put me on a hospital table and with a ruler in hand, asked me where my bum-bum had been, each time a stroke of ruler hitting my thigh or butt.

I kept saying I did nothing and after 25 mins of smacking without me saying what he wanted to hear, he told mum to take me home and make me sit in warm water and salt solution because it looked like an infection. 

I am sure mother was convinced, there was more to story, so she summoned for BROS Gbengene, (the compound's disciplinarian), he took his long cane and asked that I be lifted by my brothers. The cane came crashing down on my bare skin: back, butts, thighs. the beating continue when i saw after almost 37 strokes and been constantly asked to confess, I decided it was better  I confessed to this imaginary sin or die from this beating, so I confessed. 

i told the story of how i had been fooling around with a boy named Joseph in school, (Please note i was in primary 2). 

I came up with a grand story of how we would meet after school and he put play with my bum-bum.

The beating stopped and my mother descended on me again, this time Bros Gbengene had to pull her away. 

She was advised to counsel me but take me to the school tomorrow to report and then hospital.

I was a colossal wreck when we got to school as she lamented how she was a single mum raising me. The headmistress summoned for Joseph, only there was no Joseph in the whole school, only a Josephine in primary 2, who was confirmed by all to be my only friend. 

You see I had to make up the name Joseph from Josephine.  

We left school for the hospital, a proper one this time, the doctor did a swab test and told us to come back the next day. surviving that day meant i had to stay invisible.

The next day just before  we went to the hospital, mummy sat me down and with a large scissors chopped off my very very long hair. 

Her reason: 

"maybe if i reduced your beauty, you will not be fooling around." 

At the doctor asked just one question: 

"madam, do you share anything with your daughter" 

She said : " we share a towel"  

The doc asked again: "madam do share convenience at home or at work" 

again my mother replied: she shared convenience at work. 

The doctor told her he needed to take a swab sample form her..

Her swab results finally came and the doctor in very clear words that I will never forget, he told her she gave me the infection. Something she picked up from the loo, maybe at work and since we shared the same towel, I contacted it.

Wow, what a relief.  But I had the scars all over my back, face, arms and a badly barbered hair. Mum of course still believed there was a Joseph and made sure to taunt me daily for it.

Years passed, many years, I sat with my mum on a dark night, as we reminisced over our lives, I told her about that incident and told her what she made me do. She wept in regret and apologised. I  don't think  I ever held it against her, but I'm glad we talk , because she passed on not long after.

Biodun, i had asked my self, why my mother did that to me. I know she loved me dearly, but you see, she was only practicing what my father did to her( that is a story for another day), unfortunately that incident has left me an indelible scar.

I am married now with kids; i worry about my girls too. I find myself checking their underwear, but quickly stop myself so I am not driven to continue this craziness.

i just thought to share.

CULLED from WHISPERS

Feel free to share 
that experience that 
left you with you INDELIBLE SCAR.

One Fine Day. pt4

Finally, Ba'kabby had come to his senses, i thought to myself as i walked towards him. A man steps out of the shadows, smiling awkwardly. Hi, he said meekly. i looked at this bespectacled man, clad in a polo and combat shorts. he looked every inch a dork. " you called me? i spat.
 "i'm sorry to bother you, i just thought the man with car was disturbing you… "and you thought to save me" i interjected. he smiled. for my mind , i was like: ghenghenghen, voltron defender of the universe.
"i apologise for dragging you all the way here" his words broke my thoughts.
"well am here now, so?
he introduced himself as Josh and talk about how he saw me, storming off and Island boy Mo disturbing me.  In a matter of seconds , we were gisting and laughing like old pals. he told me how he was outside waiting for his friend; like me, he detested the joint. whoa like minds(i thought)  and just like a miracle, he mentioned he lives close to my lungbu. i did a quick mental calculation in my head, if this guy gives me a ride close to my lungbu, i can call my paddy to pick me up, that way my 10k is intact as i get big plans for money no be small. . 

I size the guy again, he looked quite frail and  harmless. `Behind the glasses, he wasn't bad to look at but na yellow man. i don't really dig yellow men.  He spoke well, infact grammar too much, thank god say i go school. hmmm,  but how do i ask for a ride without him misreading it? This gal just needs to get home, away from the shame Ba'kabby who hasn't still bothered if i dey or don comot, had put me in. then i had a brilliant idea, if i can keep him gisting for another 2 hours, 4am go nack, that way i can get a ride and maybe even bike my way for only N200. it seemed like a good calculation. i was still toying with idea when Ba'kabby stepped out of the joint. he looked at me scornfully and Josh. he just dragged me by my arms. oh no you don't. i lost my temper, but quickly controlled it as i no wan show say i be area gal, i mean this is potentially a new toaster, with seemingly good etiquette.  i called on Bro Jay to caution his brother. Bro J appealed to me and apologised profusely, his friends follow join mouth. well a demon you know is better than an angel you just met. na so i tell Josh say i gats go. we exchanged contacts and na so finally at almost 3am, we made it into the club. of course the moment we entered, Ba'kabby disappeared. me sef no worry, i too fine for one odenson to dey misjive. i knew, this friendship had finally reached the end, and this time, no going back. as i dey dance dey go, who i see.. Mo, island boy. he apologised for his gross misconduct and asked to buy me a drink. i declined politely. we parted ways when he saw i wasn't giving him the time of night. i mean, how can i respect a man, wey dey carry ashawo. imagine how many evil spirits tinz dey follow am. call me superstitious na you sabi. any man wey dey follow ashawo is not welcomed into my space. and that goes for Ba'kabby who i sighted squeezing some random oyoyo baby with heavy makeup and bad weave  in a corner, just near the toilet. the babe sef was caressing/massaging his blokus. i shake my head, enter toilet.   5am, Ba'kabby showed up, it was time to go. 

in front of my gate, just before i got off the car, i told him calmly: " Ba'kabby pls never to call me again." with that i slammed the door and walked into my house. i hit the bed so fast, na phone call wake me. it was Josh , inviting me to an early dinner at some fancy restaurant. well, good food is hard to pass up, so i said yes.  we talked on the phone for a while longer and  went right back to sleep. my phone rings again; Its X.. He's back in town and he wants us to see today. tonight ke, i have a date oo, but i couldn't tell them because you see in my sea of toasters, friends and the guys i am eternally posting; X is the guy i am seeing, in other words, X is my boyfriend but the story get k-leg.

but na tomorrow be that. hunger is wiring me, make i go chop.

Na so i stand for road o, fuming in anger. Ba'kabby had done this to me again. he didn't even follow me. i glanced behind me into the joint, he was chirping happily like an over stuffed bird with some lousy nuisance. why do i always get my in this sticky situation with idiot. how is it, that this bloated teddy has no regard for me. so what if he buys me nice things… once in a while and takes me to classy restaurant? i am most certain, some other random guy would have done same without making a fool out of me. at every given opportunity. this guy has just finally ruined my Friday. no wahala, na to dry go house.  I was thoroughly pissed at this shitty situation. 1am! and  no where close to home, i swear i had just about had enough of Ba'kabby. 

The car pulled so close to me, i shrank away: are you blind? i hissed. i heard a voice: "excuse me"?  who? me? this guy dey mad.?i resemble belewu, abi what can fa radarada? the guy pops his head out of his car: excuse me? i shouted back at him: you too excuse me! i was furious. imagine the nerve. i moved away, eyes searching for a cab. next thing i know the man is standing by me, he introduces himself as Mo. abeg i am not interested in your gist, i said with my eyes.  he stood trying to make small dry talk; asking my name and if i was interested in having a good time. i mean, egbami ke, this classical moron is trying to proposition me. Me? I don suffer. i blame am abu what decent lady will stand by the road side in front of a drinking joint at 1am trying flag down a cab. Hmmm i shook my head, Ba'kabby put me in this mess, and even till now he hasn't stepped out to try and dissuade me from leaving.  i scanned this Mo guy quickly: not bad looking, speaks well, dressed good, car on point, but na island boy and if what i hear about island boys has any truth, then this guy na wash.  a friend told me, except the guy says he lives in Ikoyi (cos ikoyi pips acceding to my friend are the real island buttis), but if na Lekki 1, ajah tinz … na wash o. the warning rang through my brain, plus i was too angry to even consider Mo or whatever his name., so i told him emphatically: " Oga, whatever it is your selling, i aint buying" with that, i walked to another side of the road. where are the cabs when you need them, i asked myself. i soon forgot about Mo and focused on a cab home. finally a cab pulls up, Iju! i said. the guy look me, 10K . whaatt!!! 10 kini, you be thief? i hissed, the taxi man sef hiss join and sped off. 10k ke, that is all SG gave me. meet, i don mis waka today. should i just go to club down the road and hang there till 5am? its  friday,which means i will have to pay to get in. lailai! i will stand by this road and hope for miracle.

 A few minutes had passed when someone tapped me: madam, that man dey call you" if looks could kill, this messenger would have be stoned dead but he ignored and  repeated himself. for a moment i though, Ba'kabby had come to sense, as this messenger pointed into the direction where he had his car parked. " which man?"  the messenger just pointed, i saw Ba'kabby in the background; oshisko, the punk had come to his sense.  hmmm, i go show this guy, i so deal with him; i murmured quietly as i walked towards the direction i was pointed.

A man stepped out of the shadows. As the light caught his face, i noticed it wasn't Ba'kabby, it was  someone else; a stranger i had never met. this meeting did change my life forever and na here the tori begin proper, but that gist no be now i go talk am.

sleep is catching me.

One Fine Day. pt.2

One Fine Day. pt1

It was a friday like any other. i lazed around in bed; no plans- immediate or later.  my phone rings, i was in the bathroom, it rings again; its SG.  Surprise, surprise!  He wanted me to go shopping for home appliances with him. hmmm he must have landed some wad, just didn't know how much. The previous week, i had picked out a flat for him. anyway, i had my bath in hurry and flag down the first okada i saw. at least, any which way, SG go dash me 5k, which is much needed. 

okada! Maryland!  we agreed after much haggling. in no time, i met SG in front of the store and we began shopping. 

we walked out almost 3 hours later with appliance worth almost 400k. ehhh he had to dash me 10k, i said in my mind. next we went grocery shopping and then to the market: goat meat, chicken, vegetable and gbogbo every.  In no unspoken terms, i had to cook all this trailer load of food for some hungry boys.  i changed the figure to 15k again. i mean, i can't do all this work and not pocket at the very least 10k. na only me by myself dey to do the negotiation for my mind. i made vegetables soup, chicken stew, boiled rice and made amala, by the time i was done, i was puffing and panting. the boys were very happy. SG wanted us to go see a tailor, to choose designs for his natives. i was like- guy  hope you go dash something for my wahala aha. i use eye size the money bag, it still looked heavy. i smiled wryly. just then my phone rings: it's Ba'kabby. He wants us to hang out tonight. i was dead tired, but Ba'kabby when in his element, is fantastic company. i knew he was hanging with some constructive pips, and wanted someone decent he could show off, if not his ashanas were always on stand by. My ensemble of jeans and tops was stained, i told him. Ba'kabby promised we'd stop over a boutique for a change of clothes. I was elated.  i told SG, i had to leave, after much harassing and persuading, he let me go and dashed me 10k, i still took 2k for cab. with Ba'kabby, okada was not an option.

SG drops me off at the taxi park, but not without letting me know, how much he likes me and how tired he is of this platonic business. "i go dey think am" i said, with that i boarded the cab: Opebi. i had to meet Ba'Kabby at the boutique. maybe he would throw in some shoes, as i looked at my pumps. 

wow, 10k in my pocket, and a new outfit on the way and a promising night of fine dining and rich conversation; this  day turned out real good after all, but mehnn i tire no be small. still i gate to go. i managed catch small sleep in the cab (this was back when dozing in cab was a safe thing to do)

But that is not the koko of this gist, because something  did happen that night, that eventually changed my entire life. but that is for another day,  Nepa/Phcn just brought light, and i need to throw laundry in the washer and iron my girls' uniform.

THE GREEN EYED MONSTER!

I was about 6 years old when Mama Olaolu moved into our house. we were the landlords and she our tenant. mama olaolu was a sweet and warm woman, whose husband didn’t live with her because she was the concubine who became a wife. she had triplets, three boys all of them handsome to stupor. i think mama olaolu had some foreign blood in her because her boys were exceptionally good looking as she herself was a beautiful women. One of those women who didn’t really know how beautiful she actually is. Blessed with everything on a woman’s body and in exact proportions. i had spent years, staring at her from our flat and when her boys and i became friends( i was a few years older), i spent every available time in their house, just to see mama olaolu. i was fascinated by her and she could do no wrong in my eyes and amazingly in the eyes of a lot of people, including my father.

mama olaolu and my mum along the line became more than neighbours, they became friends. she and mum did everything together; went for all the parties and formed club and things. she saw mummy as a celebrity and especially when thing got bad between her and daddy olaolu, mummy was her rock.
Eventually, daddy olaolu declared he was done, by then the triplets were just about to enter UNI so mama olaolu had free time. i was already in UNIversity, almost to the end of my program.

it was one of those vacations, i had come home and noticed things were stiff between the women- my mum and mama olaolu. mummy never said what happened, but she took the war to heart, she couldn’t stand the sight of the woman, she launched this campaign against her and told people horrible things about her. mama olaolu was then seeing this new man, who had refurbished her flat and paid 2 years in advance in rent. mummy tried endlessly to get daddy to eject mama olaolu, but you see everyone loved mama olaolu including my dad. i guess that further infuriated mum.
i went back to school and was called that mummy was in the police station, she had vandalised mama olaolu’s new car just because she parked in her space.
i saw my mum, that day that the station and i saw that glint of envy. i discarded it, i just thought whatever mama olaolu did she should move on.
Then one day, mama olaolu screamed out in the middle of the night, we rushed to her flat, her body was suddenly covered in sores, smelly ones.
everyone rallied to help her, they began moving her from church, to mosque to babalawo , all sorts. daddy olaolu came back, he joined forced with the new man in her life and both men took her from place to place.
all these while, i was serving in Enugu, so i couldn’t really follow the story.
biodun, na when i come house after, the breeze blow and the foul yansh open.

it had been a year since mama olaolu’s mysterious sickness, she had moved out of the house, sold all her things in a bid to get back to good health. the house was quiet, a new tenant had even just moved in.
then this afternoon, dad, mum and i were discussing job opportunities, when we heard a knock. the door opens and in comes mama olaolu healed and fresh. i hugged her happily. she came in and greeted us
mother turns around and she suddenly froze, let our a loud scream and fainted. in the midst of the chaos, I noticed mama olaolu smiling, unmoved , starring at us as we struggled to revive her.
eventually mother came to, mama olaolu sat , starring at her with a steely gaze.
all she said was, i think what can save you now is if you confess. we all starred at mum, in confusion and expectantly, she opened her mouth and the words poured out…

She spoke about how she was driven by envy, how all her friends wanted to befriend mama olaolu, how they will spray her money at parties, more than herself who invited her; she talked about her beauty and how she began to irritate her, and how she wanted to her husband to send her packing just so she doesn’t see her again, and how she went with another friend and told horrible lies about mama olaolu been after her husband and how she was the one who poured something on mama olaolu’s drum of water and how she was told never to see mama olaolu until the charm took effect.
she talked for almost 2 hours, details of which i can’t even remember, but the koko was that she was responsible for mama olaolu’s sickness.

we all starred in shock at this woman i called mummy vomit all these. it was like me watching or acting in a yoruba blockbuster with a title like : OWU or OTE… i don’t which fits.

as she spoke, i no dey lie you, right in our very before, i saw her the sores grow on her feet, she began to plead with mama olaolu, who just sat smiling victoriously. mama olaolu dangled a little red bottle before us and called it ERO- meaning the antidote.
i remember her saying, for the sake of your husband and your son, i will give you the antidote of your evil portion. she threw at us, you wan try as we fly catch am, my father and i jamming our head.
mama olaolu walked out and we never saw again, till this day. mummy got better after 9 horrendous days. she and dad never really recovered. she moved to another of dad’s place, i stayed with dad.
it been years, we talk occasionally. its not a matter of forgiveness, because i think she’s learned her lesson.
the secret stayed within us. mama olaolu never told anybody in the area.
recently mum came to see me and we were both in the car when you shared the story about the guy/lady whose life was ruined because of polygamy.
mum, actually encouraged that i share it.
i called you and the rest is history. thanks for listening. hopefully you will share this story soon.