ONE FINE DAY pt 10

Sincere apologies for the delay; i have been very busy, children wahala and work. from next week all shall conform,

That was how ooo, me and  Josh launch into this whirlwind-like romance oo.  it happened so fast, e be like film. In my mind, i was like: ol' girl you don nail am. Soon spending a day no do, i began sleeping over(too soon abi, me sef i no, but i couldn't careless) and before i could say Jonaaa, i had spent 2 weeks cohabiting with Josh. Everything moved with bazuka speed; i was so happy, i don begin dey feel like super mario: ibi nima kusi (na hia i go die), and of course been with him, came with all the perks: a car, a driver, chef, major laulau things.

 Josh, nerdish was a workaholic, he worked so hard and so much, it helped me study for MA (one plus from the relationship) and when he got off work, we indulged in all sorts( just imagine). The sex was good, it wasn't great but e pass management and with a little tutoring as time went, it will come up to par. i was almost believing this soft spoken man was just perfect until this peculiar morning when i overheard his conversation with his security guard. Baba Aro was in his early 70's, and walked with a limp. he was quite a drinker, but he was was respectful and feared Josh a great deal. i just think am say na respect, but when i witness Josh slam his basketball straight at Baba Aros's head and accompanying the slam were heavy-heavy epes(curses). wow i began to have a rethink. Josh came upstairs noticing i overheard him, gave me a grand story of Baba's offence, he began to kiss me and i soon discarded the matter, little did i know my own sef dey come. 

So Josh had a temper and whenever he flew off the handle: handle go los, pot go trowey,  shebi if na only  temper, e go for beta, the guy com and have skun-skun and i will tell you one particular episode...

na so we lie down for bed one night,. we were gifting, na so for the middle of  gist, he suddenly sat up and said to me: "shhh, someone just entered" 

i sat up in fright: who? abi na thief? my mind was racing. this frail looking Josh cannot protect me ke, haa i don mis waka ooo. he told not to panic that the person was climbing up the stairs, the per on is on the stairs and i should not worry??? are you freaking kidding?  then the freaky part- he says the person who is coming up the stairs is  carrying an envelope. i was like post man at 1am?  i tried to strain my ear, i couldn't hear jack. i mean how did he know someone came into the house, when the door no open, is climbing up the stair and is carrying an envelope? no be bed me and am dey? i looked at him, shivering in fright.

he smiled like "Don Chachu" and pulled into an embrace : the person is wearing red and black and had just dropped the letter in front of the bedroom. "yeee" my side of the bed was right beside the door, instanta, i jump go the other side. he now told make i no worry, that a lot of people are trying to drag him into some dodgy business and he has refused, so they threaten all the time, with all sort, that he has special powers adding that as our relationship progresses, he would tell me more, in short he is not an ordinary person. i stared at him in shock cum disbelief, reading psalm 23 a million times in my mind. special power? people want to kill him? he can see what other can't??? 

kai JAZZ you don mis waka patapata.  yes my name is Jasmine, everyone call me Jazz, clearly my nickname had drawn me to a jazzman.

i held vigil that night, starring at the door: "oh lord, pls see me through this night, once morning come, am outa here. i swear." i prayed over and  over, while Josh slept like  baby.

eventually, morning came, did i pack my things and leave. of course not, i stayed on because when morning came, everything changed, i forgot all about it. ashey i was saving my self for my own ...

ONE FINE DAY pt 9

i am walking down the very dusty and jagajaga road to my house , still in disbelief at this Vasecto-nonsense wey X jus tell me so. Question is: what is the purpose of asking me to consider moving to the next level? as in koyemi. i may not be in love with the man, but i do nurse deep feelings for him abi why else am i so pissed at the nigger? so he just wants to keep me around for nothing, to continue to service his engine when money is not even filling my pocket. i'm no gold digger, but i don't plan to suffer( suffer no dey work, e no dey pay, ask  anti Lara for the details on the matter). i was lost in this deep thought and clearly it was ruining my day, as i just displayed madness for an okada man who  took a swipe at me. even shame catch me after the drama, as people just gather dey look as i curse the man generation.  clearly this X issue was messing me up and i had to get myself out of the rot. so i scroll my phone; who can i just call. should i call SG? no way, i wasn't in the mood for any guy yammering love talk in my ears. who else can i call ooo, or maybe Adede- the man is filthy and rude jo, with this mood of mine, if Adede says something offensive, slap may meet face, so make i avoid fight. who do i call? surely no girls, no energy for gossip. Na so i dey scroll phone book and there it was. i choose to call Josh my latest toaster. we have been trying hook but for different reasons, no chance. he picked at the first ring, i think to myself say, yes ooo, he been waiting me to call. we sha chatted about orisirisi jargons and then he says, what are you doing now? not much-as a jobless student cum wanna be actress. 

"come over",

" hmmm tempting" i say. 

 "i'm a gentleman" he says. make i go jare.

sharply, i rush go house, change my cloth and flew okada halfway, cabbed the rest( packaging is key). i arrived at the pretty decent house, too big for a bachelor or did i assume he was. he didn't look as young and yes i was right, he had been married once and there was a child. for my mind i think: why me? why can't i just meet a young guy, no attachments. i am just about to walk out of a relationship with a man almost  as old my papa with a family and now this once upon a marriage guy. Oh lawd why( na so i dey cry for my mind) but something did strike a cord in me about this soft-spoken geekish man, who had a charm about him and ohhh he was actually intelligent and for the first time, i was mildly intimidated, and intrigued. 

We spent the entire day together; talking and talking by the time he got me back home late in the night, I had broken up with X in my mind and onto the next one with  Josh. 

Should I have thought more about that move? YES! Should have I applied brakes? yes!  Should I have walked from this new adventure? Oh yes. I for don run; comot shoe, trowe bag and run for safety; instead I ran into Josh, I ran in headlong, I ignored whatever warning bells and yes it almost cost me sanity, my life, my future. Indeed meeting Josh, changed my life completely and na here the story just begin...

still there is the pending matter of X, who i never actually broke up with. in my mind, i didn't think he deserved it after all, he no tell before e go lie down for slab, say make them comot his able scorers. 

But lowo yi, na to be continued we dey.

ONE FINE DAY pt8

After i don vex say X no gree call me i mean three weeks! Does this guy even know that i am a hot and viable commodity that men are in need of? he come and leave me , no call, no text, no mail. Na so i drag the matter like say e pass the level. but really e pass, after all this man just said to me that we should consider moving our relationship to the next level, even though i no sabi the level, but it must mean something and i f i am to be exclusive with a man who is old enough to be daddy, then i expect more. So i voke, i rake  but as usual after all my display, the man went on one knee.. ehn one knee?? omg, is he proposing? kia, i am not ready now. I didn't even rehearse my reaction, shud i smile, should i scream.  The guy open mouth tell me say "sorry, forgive me",just lackadat . it was feeling of relief and disappointment mix together, wet flood m body.  wait oh, was i really considering marrying this man, would have i said yes? i no fit answer myself. sha the man beg me; told me all bout the training, his visit to his family and of course he had a quick call at the hospital but quickly assures me,  its nothing.  then my phone rings, its Josh. Been a couple of days, after traffic no gree me make am to our dinner date. bloody traffic, it was almost as if God was whispering me to me. Thinking about it now, the Big Man upstairs was preventing me from the eventual drama wey Josh con take my eye see but tori neva reach that side.. i sat in the cab for hours, he even sent his driver to meet me half way but we missed our sef, eventually i had to make the hard decision of returning home., no Chinese dinner, no second meeting with Josh. i

I soon forgot about him since X's return but today, the man Josh called me but i couldn't take the call, not wit X starring at me so intensely. X stood with a bit of difficulty again: is your leg hurting you? i asked " something wrong?" he smiles and instead of replying asked if i have given a thought to our discussion.

oh i have been thinking about it, so much. " but what exactly do you mean by taking it further?"

"definitely not marriage." he said with irritating calmness.

"oh, pray tell what you mean". my voice dripped with sarcasm and he sensed it.

"babe, it would be unfair for me to ask you to marry me. trust me i want you for keeps. i mean i can say i love you very much...

"but" i interjected.

"but i can't marry you." 

he said in  the annoying matter-of-fact voice, by this time, i was struggling to remain composed. he can't marry me. so i am unmarriable abi kini? 

so i asked: " because of…"

he looked at me with a sad-like smile:

" because i don't want to have kids anymore and i just had a vasectomy done to..."

vasecto wetin? are you kidding me? is that why your walking with difficulty? is your… your something gone?

it sounded stupid, but i just had to ask. i mean what does this mean?

X may be older than me, but love making was the ISH (and am not saying more).

 " are you freaking serious" i yelled.

" the lil man is still intact, i just can't shoot to score" he said with a smile.  Egbami ke, make una look Lionel Messi, shoot to score ko.  i stood starring at him for so long, unsure what to say, so i said: "Wow, a vasectomy".

i collected my bag and the stuff he got me ( i no go bicos of vex, fashi the gucci sunglasses or the coach clutch, or the dresses) and i walked out, kept walking not looking back, even as he yelled my name. i flagged a cab:" lungbu". cabman: "N3000". i no argue, i enter . A vasectomy? wow. he sure has made thing very simple. this is clearly the end of the relationship but it was the beginning of another problem as i would soon find out.

My journey began 17 years ago. i was 18 full of life and an unhealthy bundle of youthful exuberance. i had dreams to be successful though with no clear cut route. mother was as tough as nail and on this day, i vex the woman die. she sent me to detention at the police station to learn a thing or two about life behind bars. you see the woman na soja. na play i been think, until the gates of the gallow slammed me into darkness.
mother had instructed i stay there for a week till i learnt my lesson and that was how i came to meet him. The man who changed the course of my journey forever. 
Two days in jail, the policemen took pity on me and brought me to stay behind the counter; a better option that mosquito infested- smelly tomb called jail. i met Lanre; fresh, robust, light skinned, clearly more than a decade older than me. he had been brought in on some offence, but from the special way he was treated; i knew he a correct person or so i thought.
we became friends and remain friend till we were both released. we exchanged contact and na so we begin romance
Lanre was not only well to do, but he was a giver and he spoilt me silly, so when i discovered i was pregnant; what mama soja go do me was the least of my concern. 
As expected mama soja kicked me out without delay and i moved in with Lanre, a divorcee (so he told me).
baby shopping began in earnest, i was feeling like the madam of the house, until the real madam came back. you see Lanre was very much married and when news reach America of a young girl taking over the ruling of the Olanrewaju empire, the real madam dashed down. she saw me and descended on me, raining blows and slaps, totally disregarding my very pregnant state. lanre was not in town to save me.
she threw me and my things out. 
i had nowhere to go; i returned to mama soja; after having a good laugh , she slammed the door and told me never to come back. i tried to reach lanre to no avail. i roamed the streets; sleeping in uncompleted building and finally a church.; there i was till my baby came- a beautiful boy. 
Because labour was prolonged and a near death experience for me, mama soja came to my rescue after much pleading by the pastor. she foot the bill, even the naming ceremony. and so i moved back in; life was peaceful even though mama soja made sure to taunt ad torment me with my foolery, i was just glad the days of sleeping on the street was behind me.
then Lanre showed up bearing gifts, i went against mama soja's rules and let him into the house, well you can guess the rest; she walked in us. she gave him a piece of her mind and sent him out. the next morning, i awoke to my bags neatly stacked at the door, mama soja had decided enough was enough. na so i go. i went to lanre but he turned a blind eye. na so i begin waka from place to place; living here and there with my son, doing various menial jobs to raise myself and my son.
when i went to live relatives, mama soja came there to throw tantrums and i ended up back on the street. my mother-mama soja was greatly feared by all our relatives; no one could help me. then i turned to friends. in a particular case, my son was living with a friend's relative and i was living at another friend's. my life was a mess. Lanre has relocated to America, mama soja had turned deaf ears to the many pleas and begging. 
many nights i would cry and cry… but every time i looked my ECO( my son's nickname) it would boost me to forge ahead. 
i won't stand here to say, i didn't do somethings i am not proud of in an effort to raise my child or give him good education because that would be a lie. let me not bore you with my stories.
today he turns 16 in few months, i have managed to bag myself a degree while raising him and myself; my son is getting ready of UNI. mama Soja and i made peace after 10 years, now i am her favourite child- she says i inspire her.
i have had my fair share of mistakes, regrets and heart breaks especially in relationships; no man wanted a baggage, now men are scared when they see my son- haa he is so grown", they say.
i am lonely emotionally but i will not give up ECO for no man. ECo worries for me; don't you want to marry mummy". do i tell him, some of men are shying away from me because of you? lailai!
i look at ECO and i know that one is perfect about my life: THIS BOY i call my SON- well behaved, intelligent, witty and an awesome artist- he loves to draw and very good at it. not for a second had he given me cause to worry. 
today, i look back at the journey, i still have many more years ahead, still I wonder… how did i do it? 
I am most certain God had a hand in it, majorly.


CULLED

WHEN THE NECK BECAME THE HEAD

WHEN THE NECK BECAME THE HEAD: is an emotional story shared by an anonymous listener of the show.
i do hope you find it as inspiring as i did. i would be sharing this story tomorrow on the show and implore you all tune in and be a part of the conversation.

READ!

my husband and i have been married for years now. shortly before marriage, the Lord blessed us and we were very comfortable; i had no care in the world and i worried for nothing. our life was blissful; my husband’s business thrived and he spared no expense in ensuring i and the kids and everyone who came o us for help was catered for.

suddenly a few years into the marriage, our resources began to dwindle; we went from cars to car then no car. my husband was badly affected as he was always used to been the provider. it soon dawned on me, i needed to support and thankfully in a short time, i picked up a well paying job and we were able to find our bearing. though it didn’t return us to the lap of luxury but it made us fairly comfortable.

my husband and i had always enjoyed a very good relationship, we were each other’s friends but when finances became tight, he became irritable and i guessed the weight of the pressure got to him, this was what propelled to get a job.
i got a job but then i changed.

i became domineering, controlling and totally lacked respect for my husband. this is a realisation that hit me just recently, and while i misbehaved, he never said a word, he just took it as the day came.

my husband loves food, and regardless of our finances, he would eat well and made sure we had good food to eat, money or not- this was his stance.
when i started earning for the family, i began to count the pieces of meat and chicken and reduced his once 2-3 piece of meat per meal to one. he would complain and i would silence him, that we are on a budget and make horrible remarks. i even locked the store, just so i monitor the food, after all, it was my hard earned money here and not his.
he eventually would eat may be once a day or would buy bread and akara or fried yam on his way home; garri drinking became his habit. did i notice? haa well, i couldn’t be bothered

i began to expect him to help with chores, like clear the dishes after you, wash your plate, no one is your slave’ these were few of the things i would say to him. he never retorted.
i treated him so bad (unknowingly) that even the maid who joined us while i was the provider didn’t know he was the head of the home.
i would take decisions without running them by him and gradually i assumed the role of the husband and my husband sunk deeper and deeper into his shadows. so as usual, when he began having high blood pressure, i didn’t know.

i’d like to say, i never cheated on him and even though i was consumed with work and never gave him sex, i lost sight of the fact that once sexually active husband couldn’t even be bothered to ask me.
we had less and less to say to each other, we became strangers in our home yet i blamed him, saying he was threatened by my success.

he did try on a couple of occasions to speak to me about it, i never saw anything wrong in my actions, i felt he was the one who changed not me.
then i went for a seminar and heard a sermon about how sometimes God refuses to lift our heads as working wives because he already knows that just by been more successful than our husbands, our regards for him as the head thins out and we assume the role. the speaker went on to list out a couple of behaviour and i was guilty as charged. i realised my error.

i wept all the way home, hoping to make peace but when i got home i waited and waited for my husband to return.
i waited till the wee hours of the morning, my husband didn’t return.
oh lord, i thought; something must have happened to him. he didn’t come home for a week, by this time, i had lost my sanity running helter-skelter. eventually i ran to his family house and there i met him, a complete shadow of himself. he had made a choice to walk away because i made his already miserable life miserable.

today, my husband and i worked our differences, he’s doing better, our marriage is better and our finances are better. i still work but i now know better. there are time, i try to over compensate, but he would tell me not to bother. if you serve my husband with 2 pieces of meat, he would only eat 1 ad joke about been used to it. it makes my heart bleed. but am just happy i am still married to man who loves me regardless.

there are so many women who have found themselves to be the provider of the home; it doesn’t make you the head. the job of the neck is even more important than that of the head.

this is my greatest life’s lesson.

ONE FINE DAY pt7

X and i had carried on for some 6 months. he wasn't as generous as Fish and not an A-hole like Ba'Kabby. He was a gentleman, respected me, regardless of the many years apart in age. he showered me attention and if there is one thing that can guarantee a man's place in my heart, is attention. i just need to know i am at the centre of your universe. and that X did. he wanted to spend everyday with me, every spare time and yes , did we have a blast. we played like teenagers, giggled liked kids and o' boy we can gossi for Africa; i was at home here i told myself. 

so when X had told me, as i sat on his laps in his office, surfing the internet; that he wanted to take the relationship to the net level , i was elated, still caution bell sound for my brain, make i no too jump. if i become X's , it meant we were gonna be exclusive. this is not to say i was cutting shows oo, lailai. i believe in one man-one woman. but was i ready to be with this man, who was 23 years older than i was. he wasn't just any man, X is quite notable, he held some significant position in work and society, people were gonna talk. what will my father say? the man as it stands, has already given up me. this will just be the final topping on the cake.

And there is the matter of his family, his first son was just 3 years younger than i was; there is the Mrs. X, even though they've  been divorced for nearly a decade, still calls the shot. she is a partner  at his firm. They have joint ventures and the woman already looks at me funny and now, he wants us to move our relationship forward. hmmm

 what will i do now? only one person can give me the truth, no matter how painful and that person is Big sis.

Big sis(my elder sister) lives across town with her family- her twin boys and philandering husband- oniranu. Why she stays married to the goon, beats me. Imagine the suegbe even tried to make a pass at me, kiakia i put am for im place, no time for radarada; but she married him and that is her choice. she and i never see eye-to-eye on any matter and its been about 2 years we last spoke. However,this is a major decision here: X is rich, he would take care of me, i would enjoy few luxuries- business class seats, a few top notch designer gbogbo-es, good school for my kids and vacation maybe once or twice a year. if i wanted to enjoy some better luxuries like boat cruses, and deep splurge, then i would have to earn a living, which really isn't a problem. X would get me a well paying job or set me up on business. Nah- i not want him to set me up, he would want to be on the board and have a say so ( he can be controlling), fat salary job is better; i would work my ass off and give myself a fabulous treat without having to stand in front of him, asking for money like a beggar.  A better life seem guaranteed if I'm married to X. 

Still i had my doubts.

 i called Big sis back to back, a total of 12 times before she finally picked my call. her reason-  she wanted to be sure, it was important. she went on with her sermon on morality, demeaning my way of life, which at the moment is far better than her own. After she made her self and life feel much superior to my very meaningless existence, i told her i had found a man and i think i am ready. it was then she asked that i come over.

Though i got to her house via public bus and Okada, i was clad in a very well fitting Armani jeans (courtesy Fish),  yellow Ralph Lauren shirt(courtesy Ba'Kabby), my blue DKNY hand bag( courtesy X), my very famous red alligator skin peep toes (courtesy Balogun market)  and i was smelling like a million dollar(courtesy Mai). the boys were happy to see me, one look at me, she hissed:

" how are you even able to afford all these designers?"

 i smiled: 

" i can tell you one thing; no home was broken in the process."

she looked at me with utter disdain and in her stern no nonsense voice she asked for details on X., of course i tell am every, as e take be.

she was silent for a long time( my sister can be that dramatic, i don't like her, but i trust her judgement.)  after wetin be like forever, she open mouth tell me: " i don't think you should marry him."

haaa, just like that? just like that,she replied.

     "no one would believe you are not marrying this guy for money.   what? you are in love? maybe you think so now. give it a few years, when his dick is limp and he would need a viagra to get it up, by which time you would be in your prime, in need of a very profound shag (shag? my sis just said "shag… oga)  you are only 25. 

     Whats the hurry?  you want to spend the better part of your life nursing an old man, when you should be done raising kids and rediscovering yourself, living your life to the fullest just in case you missed out on it whilst raising kids. (wow, i can't believe my sis was saying this, i did mention she was painfully honest, but not this blunt i guess). 

     Look, i don't think you should, but that's my opinion. you need to make your own choice. after all , what do i know, i married a man, who can't keep his willy in his pants while i am starved of sex- ironic abi. I am no fool honey but when the time comes, all of una go shudder"( lobatan,sis yarn pidgin)".

we talked about many things after that and i took my leave. i was lost in thought on the Okada ride back home. what do i do. i mean, the man has not proposed yet. He just said next level. Maybe next level is not marriage. Maybe i am just over thinking things. 

all these thoughts floated around my head, as i mounted the steps to X's office. He was right at the door, to welcome me. I noticed as he walked with a bit of difficulty as he went back to his seat. we chatted about orisirisi, but i just had to ask about this his constancy wincing in pain, that was when he told me the shocker of lifeeeeeeeee...